Remember Her

One day this past August, I was outside playing with my camera and thought I would snap some fun selfies and play with the timer. I felt joy. I had decided the day would be a good day even if, on the way to school, I had grumpy kids.  For us women in our 40’s-50s (maybe men, too) it can be easy to wear martyrdom like a badge. 

I remember asking my mom once what I was like as a little kid. She said you were so silly and giggly.

That little giggly girl got serious quickly. I've been over-serious since I can remember.

Addiction in your family of origin can do that.

Gravitating towards older friends and classmates, always following the rules, and taking myself too seriously. Along the way, perfectionism spilled into everything.

Perfection kept me trying to get my body perfect instead of healthy. It kept me from trying new things for fear of looking dumb or inadequate. It's had me white-knuckling parenting, especially in these teen years- where let's be honest, control is a facade.

The only fruit has been worry...with a dash of cynicism and criticalness thrown in for good flavor.

There is joy in deciding to delight. Not one rooted in toxic positivity and if you just think great thoughts, nothing bad will ever happen. This is the deciding in spite of my circumstances I will find glimmers of gratitude, and gratefulness. 

On the truly hard and heartbreaking days, there are beams of delight like cathedral buttresses that prop up my heart and tip my thoughts toward the one who sees me and the mess. Wedging themselves between the cynicism and bitterness that is desperate to take root and grow rotten fruit. Glimmers have kept me soft and surrendered to Jesus. 

For a generation of women who have constantly been overlooked or lost as they say, we get to be the ones who remember. Also we serve a King who has seen all of us and is wild about us because of who we are in Him. He is with us and delights in Her. In you.

The essence of that giggly silly girl is still here. 

As I mentioned earlier, being soft hearted starts with feeling seen. We have spent so many years hiding behind our self-reliance and strength. It has worn us thin, and tired in our body, mind and spirit.

The first step in being seen is seeing ourselves.

Coaching Questions

This week, spend a few minutes remembering yourself. What were you like as a kid?  Your joys and delights. Your favorite treats or toy as a toddler. Your favorite season or article of clothing. See yourself. Sit with the Holy Spirit and ask Him to help you see yourself clearly, fully, gently.

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